Friday, July 10, 2009

"Bitches Ain't Shit But Ho's and Tricks!"

UPDATE: Follow-up post here

Thank you, rap/hip-hop/whatever, for so enriching the vocabulary of the English language! But let's take a more in-depth look at the meaning and implications of this type of language. Our society has basically been set up to make people feel ashamed of themselves: who they are and what makes them feel good1. One purpose of religion is to impose this view on people to ingrain into their minds the idea that they are fallen and they need to be redeemed, or else they'll burn in torment and anguish for eternity! They need to be ashamed simply for being human, because by nature, humans are totally depraved and society would descend into unbridled chaos and destruction were it not for the auspicious hand of providence keeping us all in check and were it not for the fear of his awesome2 vengeance. The shame is usually not explicitly endorsed, but seems to be the effect. In this view, pleasure is, at best, good for some people, in certain situations, but not most. It is a necessary evil to keep the human species alive, but never! to be pursued as an end unto itself! Unless, of course, you're a guy. Then the rules are a bit different, depending on who you ask. Some are at least decent enough not to have a double-standard in that area. Obviously, those who hold this view would claim that they're definitely not anti-pleasure, just against certain actions that some people happen to find pleasurable, and the solution is for these people to somehow (through religion or some other means) transform [i.e., conform] what they find pleasurable to acceptable activities. You can see this in many religious movements, for example, ones involving abstinence until marriage or "curing" homosexuality. Hopefully, you can see that it's still a blatant attack on the human "spirit." Telling a person that s/he is not "good enough"3 is a terrible way to treat another human being, but it's an excellent way to sell something (anything, really)!

Now that we live in modern times, it's a lot easier to pursue pleasure, since we no longer have to spend so much time pursuing wildebeests. But many of these restrictions are still in place because of the memetic nature of the ideas behind them. Typically, if you're a woman who has enlightened herself to the idea that pleasure can be pursued as an end unto itself, we have some special titles for you designed to devalue your humanity, and we will use them at every opportunity! We will also tell you that you're being used and/or lied to. We'll say you're being stupid and that you don't value yourself highly enough, which is strange, because that's exactly what the person who calls a woman a slut is doing [if s/he means it in a derogatory way]! [Of course, I'm sure there may be women in such situations who really are "being used," but let's have that discussion another time.] This is what's fucking us all up! This is why women can't be honest about the fact that their sex drive is no weaker than that of a man! I find it to be a common observation that women don't want to be judged, and they don't want to be called sluts, so they have to be "careful" about who they have sex with. So our society has set up elaborate social rituals so that women can "cover their asses" with respect to accusations of whoredom. I don't have a lot of experience with these rituals, but my understanding of one of them is as follows: people go to a bar; a guy sees a woman he finds attractive, or maybe she sees him; anyway, they talk for a bit; he buys her a drink, never explicitly stating that he wants to have sex with her, but let's not kid ourselves [she is, of course, under no obligation to the provider of said drink; the male assumes all risk in the interaction]; she goes home after she's had her fill of free drinks and has sex with her boyfriend; the guy goes home in frustration and masturbates to a video on youporn.com [NSFW]. [There. How did I do? Was that an accurate description of the ritual?] You see how smoothly this system works. Occasionally, some asshole will ignore the rules and assert that the female is under some sort of obligation to him, which is why bouncers are so large and lacking in empathy. In a more honest system, we wouldn't need to pretend what our goals were or were not, and we wouldn't have to endure such elaborate rituals.

I would now like to discuss a few related issues. I have observed that there is a double-standard regarding the level of sexual experience among men vs. women. If you're a guy and you're still a virgin by the time you're 18, some people (usually other d00dz) tend to think less of you, you queer-pussy-homo-faggot. The amount of respect men confer upon other men seems to correlate positively with the amount of sexual experience (i.e., "conquests"... wow, what a bullshit term that is!) they have. Of course, there comes a point at which a man will come across as a "player" to women, and I have heard that most of them don't like that kind of guy because they have the idea that he "uses" women, which is odd considering that women who might otherwise be considered "players" are more likely to be called "sluts" and are accused of letting men "use" them, as I previously mentioned. It seems strange to me how one person can do the same thing as another person, yet others will have exactly the opposite opinion of the two people depending on who they are. For women, I believe the general conception is that an 18-year-old female virgin is less of an oddity than an 18-year-old male virgin, and that at some point, women will respect another woman less the more sexual experience she has. I don't really know why this is, but I am curious. It might be related to something I do know slightly more about: women who get mad at women who "steal boyfriends." If you are one of those women, then listen, sugartits: Nobody can "steal" your boyfriend because he isn't your property. You can't "own" another human being. That would be sort of like slavery. I will grant you that, yes, "boyfriend-stealing" is wrong, but if I were you, I'd be more angry at the man for whatever commitments he made to you that he subsequently broke... whatever...

Anyway, my own experiences with women have sometimes been unpleasant. I could at least partially blame my upbringing for that because until very recently, I was under the delusion that premarital sex was somehow inherently wrong. My father had some bad experiences earlier in life involving divorce, custody battles, child support, etc. You can see how he could become disenchanted with certain aspects of male-female interaction after such ordeals. He and Mother would likely attribute these bad experiences to the fact that Dad had premarital sex. It couldn't possibly have anything to do with the fact that he didn't use protection [properly, anyway], right? All my parents ever told me about sex was "don't do it!" and I was home-schooled during those crucial grades 5 - 7, so the only sex-ed I had growing up was The Learning Channel and the Clinton Impeachment Hearings4. Taking my parents and the Bible (i.e., their fundamentalist interpretation of the Bible), etc. seriously, I basically kept myself as far away from sex as possible. I've never even gone out on a date or kissed a girl, and I'm in my early-to-mid 20s (sure, I've felt a couple of tits in my day, but those were largely "freak occurrences"). How many people do you know at my age who can say that? If you wanted to spin this as positive, I suppose you could make the argument that this action [or, more accurately, lack of action] may have protected me from "getting hurt," but you'd be stupendously mistaken. Some degree of pain is inevitable regardless of what precautions a person takes. I have been hurt before. The level of pain is a function of the level of emotional investment. How can I control how I feel about another person?5 How can I control that person's reaction when she inevitably finds out? I've also heard the idea that somehow, sex is more "special" if you only do it with one other person in your entire life. Again, I assert that these people are tragically in error. Sex is no different from any other activity or experience one person can share and enjoy with another person [or persons], except that (from what I've heard) it feels better than most other experiences, and probably as a result, has more potentially severe consequences.

Our genes "programmed" us to want to have sex because it helps them survive into the next generation6. But we have progressed to the point in our evolution at which it is possible for us (consciously) to figure this stuff out, and use that knowledge to figure out other stuff. The robot has become self-aware! We are here because of our genes. But our genes are merely mindless self-replicators. They have no power to condemn us to eternal torment! So is there any reason for us to deny ourselves or others of any of the joy (or pain) of the human experience (as long as a person does not infringe upon the privileges of another person... you know, those privileges we gave ourselves, and as long as "society runs smoothly")? Life is enough of a struggle on its own, isn't it? We don't need to make it more difficult by limiting our opportunities to enjoy it! I believe that we should celebrate those experiences7. As someone who does not see himself finding joy anytime soon, I know how difficult it can be, and I can greatly appreciate it when someone else experiences it (it's like schadenfreude, but the opposite). And I consider it an abomination for those of us who have the necessary political power to use it to restrict others less fortunate from pursuing the same happiness as the rest of us simply because they have a natural inclination to pursue it differently. And I don't mean "abomination" like the snowman, or like eating shellfish. I mean "abomination" in the same sense as torture, slavery, and the Holocaust (though probably to a lesser degree).



1 And in some cases, even feeling good itself, although, thankfully, that seems to be in decline.

2 Wow. What happened to this word? This word is used quite often in many translations of the Bible. How, in the 1980s, did this suddenly become a ludicrously overused surfer/stoner term?

3 Ok, so let me get this straight... God loves us, but we could never possibly be good enough to spend eternity with him. He made us in His image, whatever that means, but now we're fallen. So do we no longer "look like" God? Does that make any sense whatsoever?

4 I don't think I found out what sex really was until I was 13, and I don't think I knew what masturbation was until shortly after I started doing it (I think I was almost 13). Sure, I "knew" it was "wrong," but how can you expect a teenage male not to masturbate!? That's beyond insane! No, believe me, the guilt was "punishment" enough. Do you know how much that kind of guilt can fuck a kid up!? I don't even know if the average person [not exposed to such childhood trauma] is capable of imagining the effort I exerted and all the time I spent praying that I would be delivered from these awful, terrible, sinful, damnable thoughts and feelings that every other human being just so happens to have as well. I'm almost surprised I never underwent an aneurysm! ...Alright. Maybe I'm overplaying my hand ["That's what SHE said!"]. It's possible... And finally, yes, I had to figure out what oral sex was solely from the clue that Clinton [may or may not have] said that it was "more like having sex with a pair of lips than a person." At the time, I was in my early-to-mid teens and I had only recently found out what sex was (though I don't remember how I learned that... probably TLC). But after rolling that quote around in my head for a while (again, I don't remember how long it took), I was able to reach a conclusion regarding what the definition of oral sex is. I probably thought it was gross at the time. psh... kids...

5It's too bad, if there were some sort of God who demanded my emotional purity, that I was always on my own in this department. My parents were never much help, either, especially my dad, because "Girls are evil, you know, unless I've met them first. Otherwise, if you even mention a girl to me, I will say the vilest things imaginable about her (or at least the vilest things I can imagine)." The Second Coming of Rose Muldoon, over here... what a guy!

6 What, does this argument sound circular? Sexual reproduction does provide evolutionary benefits because it results in more variability than asexual reproduction, which better protects the genome from drastic changes in a given environment. If a given trait provides an advantage, it will naturally spread.

7 Like when a child discovers masturbation through self-examination or when a gay couple gets married or when two retards fall in love... generally, any time a person who has experienced mostly hardship in life finally finds joy.

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